Dead End Roads & Dry Bones

I am constantly in awe of the unwavering character of God and constantly humbled by the weakness of my flesh. I find myself wavering, walking along dead end roads again and again. Lord forgive me, for how quickly I become deceived... again. Forgive me for the moments where I become captivated by needing affirmation from others. And forgive my soul for liking it... Forgive me for aspiring to success as defined by the world, for chasing empty purposes that I’ve assigned for myself but disguised and disclosed them to others as if they were from you. I know at the time I thought I had pure motives but when I take a minute and solemnly gaze into the mirror of my heart, I terrifyingly realize it was again to receive validation, recognition, praise of man. Which exposes the harsh reality that though I thought what I was collecting was valuable really just turned out to be another treasure chest full of dry bones. It scares me that I could become so blind, that I could fall backwards again and again and not even realize it until I’ve hit another bottom. I don’t want it— the praise, the titles, the experiences. It’s poison to the purest of hearts. I’m growing in more understanding of how Kingdom of Heaven operates. So different than the world, everything is backwards and upside down... If we chase knowledge of you, we find our foolishness If we chase and experience of you, we find our cheap fix of a drug If we chase a dream or purpose, we find our peers validation. All those roads leading to the dead end of me. What is a pure heart? I don’t even know but can assure you I’m trying to find it... And I know You’re faithful to show me more and more each coming day as I relinquish the right to my rights and replace it with my will to do Your will instead.

* I found this prayer in my journal from a few months back. Not my typical post... but it’s a real one, authentic and raw— and I want to post more things like this. Because it’s okay to not have this relationship with God thing all figured out perfectly. He’s a God of process, from start to finish He holds our hand everything step of the way. And wow, He really loves to meet us, especially in the thick of our mess.